Wednesday, 24 February 2010
He didn't want her to be there; he far preferred doing his work alone. He was persuaded, however, rather reluctantly, to take her, for the duration of the night. He tried to ignore her as best he could, which wasn't easy as the room was indeed small - booth would be a more accurate name for it - and she kept vaguely waking up and then going back to sleep. He, in the meantime, tried to manipulate the crowd as best he could, guide it, though he found it increasingly difficult to do so and was bound to just play whatever the hell he wanted by now, ignoring what he thought anyone would actually enjoy.
He knew this wasn't right or responsible, but he felt like he had to do it anyway. It was in the air. He looked at her: perhaps he should just be inspired by her instead, as much as you could be inspired by someone smuggled in, as a promise against ever, ever making a request. Requests - he hated them. He said to her, even though she couldn't hear, "I don't do requests, no no NO I don't do them...oh well, at least you're not asking me to play something in particular, yes, I will play something for you. But not just yet." He smiled kindly, as kindly as he could, and turned and looked at the crowd. That man - he knew who he was - was surveying the girls for another chance, and having lost track of her he was in danger of seeming ridiculous. "This is for you" he said to her, "I know this is what you would want me to play. I think."
"So where is she?" he asked again, noting the man with the empty box. "I mean, you said she was safe, but where is she?" "If I told you now he would notice and I don't think you want that."
He felt crushed; denied; he was too tired, really, for hints or guessing games. At the same time, he only had to imagine how she felt, or at least try, and all his feelings would return, wiping out any numbness. If she wasn't angry then he could be angry on her behalf; and the amount of things he saw around him - those glittering things, those things just put on for show - sickened him more than a little. He had to see her before long or else he could not do what he really wanted; but he didn't want her to know it was him. He had been away so long this was more than likely anyway, but how could he know? He wasn't invincible, but no, no one could get between him and her in the end; he knew that in his guts. And so he sat and drank, his own fire dampened no more, the drink somehow sharpening him up instead of dulling him.
He looked at her again; he could sense a fight coming and felt excited despite himself about it. She woke up now, finally, and looked at him; he pretended not to notice. "SSSHH stay down. You are here for a reason, God knows what it is, but you've got to stay down. Here, have some of this water but don't let anyone know you are here." "You're the DJ?" He rolled his eyes. "Yes I am, and don't worry about it. I mean as long as you don't ask for any requests you can stay here, though you are being looked for."
She drank and drank the water and then inhaled deeply. "It's that...guy, right?" "Not sure. Some dude came here with you and said you were, what the hell'd he say, you were to stay here 'until further notice'." "Is he a player?" "I saw you with that guy and no, definitely not him. Huh, no." "What the hell is going on down there anyway?" "You're asking me?" she said, yawning now and, despite the DJ's wishes, about to make a request.
He frowned; but he sensed that she had a point. Well, he thought to himself, I am here alone most of the time, here and yet not really here. What harm could it do to play someone's favorite song? Was it a club banger? Heck no, but that wasn't the point. She had told him that she was waiting, waiting, invoking, and felt pale and drained of nearly all hope and his heart, again despite himself, opened up. Her aloneness was different from his, but he understood. "We are all in this together" he said, "you most certainly aren't the only distressed one here. Just why you are here I still don't know but I do know your husband and will look for him. I have ways of sensing things...and you did meet here, after all. It is the right place to be. This crowd might be nameless but certainly not meaningless." He blushed then, embarrassed that he had such feelings; dammit I'm supposed to be a smart-ass here, he thought. So much for that. "It won't be long now." He looked intently at her, and she at him; they nodded and he got back to his decks, feeling a bit better about himself, for once.
Posted by Lena at 15:13